I want.

I want the life that this shoe would go with.

Wait, why?

This month's InStyle was actually one of the better ones to land on my desk in a few years -- I refuse to actually buy them since it's usually crap. But. I will concede that the features in the 'Beyonce' issue were actually pretty good and it had a feature on Kari Whitman's work for Jessica Alba. They also got hip to the fact that people are feeling po' and used clothes that weren't the price of a kidney transplant.

However.

Why in the hell is Katie Lee Joel in ANOTHER magazine? What does she do? What is her purpose?

Katie Lee Joel -- first you offer nothing to my Domino, now you offer nothing to my stolen InStyle. I don't care about your turkey, just like I didn't care about your boring shelving unit filled with cake stands. I know that you got lucky and bagged an old guy with dough, but until you can offer more, stay out of my magazines.

Is anyone really wearing this?

Despite plaid being in every magazine and on the body of Lindsey Lohan as she's snapped gripping a big gulp and a cigarette, has anyone really gone so far as to bring it back? Unless you're famous, I really want to call bullshit if you answered "yes."

It brings up an interesting temptation -- school girl sexy, a masculine edge to feminine softness, but really? Is that enough to avoid looking like a handy man? Probably not. It takes a hell of a lot of guts to wear plaid, let's be honest. These girls make it look cute because they are 80 pounds and don't get up and go to work in the morning. They actually can roll out of bed and they live in perpetual 80 degree weather so they don't have to layer in order to avoid freezing their nips off.

If I'm off base here, I'll eat my words, but until I see someone at Walgreens in a plaid button-down buying detergent, I'm sticking to them.