Thursday, September 3, 2009

"Larger and Thicker"

This article had me cracking up well into the day after reading it. It gets better as the story unfolds. God I love the WT -- if it weren't for stories like this I would maybe never smile.

Police: 'Chunky' escorts rip off intoxicated men

Posted by John de Leon -- From Times staff reporter Christine Clarridge:

Mountlake Terrace police are on the lookout for a trio of escorts who are alleged to have stolen about $440 from four customers who had invited them over for a weekend party. The cops have their work cut out for them since they're relying on four victims who were "incredibly" intoxicated and provided only the barest of descriptions.

According to police, the four victims decided, after a night of drinking at a Mountlake Terrace home, to pool their money and hire an escort from Craigslist early Saturday morning. "They found a woman whose picture they found appealing and called," said Det. Sgt. Doug Hansen.

But when the woman and two female friends arrived, the men later told police, they found that none of them looked like the woman in the ad. The women were described vaguely to police as being "larger and thicker" than the female pictured in the Craigslist ad.

"The men said they were not as advertised," said Hansen.

Nevertheless, the disappointed men -- who ranged in ages from 22 to 46 -- handed over their money while the women were still at the door, police said. One of the women then asked if she could use the bathroom, police said.

But instead of going into the bathroom, the women ducked into a bedroom and started rooting around for things to steal, including a Blackberry and some jewelry, Hansen said. The men saw her and tried to stop her, but the woman ran outside to her friends and all three raced back to their car, a maroon Ford hatchback.

The men chased after them, but one man was run over when he tried block the women from driving off. The man suffered injuries that required a two-day hospital stay, Hansen said. The men were unable to get a license plate number.

The suspects were all described as being about 5-feet-8, white and "chunky," in their late 20s, possibly from Tacoma. One had curly, wavy brown hair and called everyone "baby," the men told police. The second had lip piercings and stringy brown hair. The third had short, sandy blond hair, according to police.

While trying to describe the suspects to police, the men decided to rate the women on a scale of 1 to 10. Three said the women all rated a "2." But the man described by police as the most intoxicated disagreed and claimed they rated a "4."

Copyright © 2009 The Seattle Times Company


Decorno said...

This is why when people say to me, "Where do you live?" and I say, "Montlake" and they say, "Oh, yeah, Mountlake Terrace, I know where that is..." I then have to interject and say firmly: "No. MONTLAKE."


I cannot believe the Times published this. Hilarious.

Stevie said...

Hilarious! I grew up within a stone's throw from Mountlake Terrace. Oh, the stories...

This is just classic MLT.

Devon said...

It's times like these that I love being from Seattle. This is awesome.

Sarah said...

I read this a few days ago and forwarded it on to all my favorite Seattle-ites. Outrageously funny.

Sara@hipE said...

I love that the drunkest one said they were a "4". HAHA. Aww man. Being from Washington State, I have never been through Mountlake Terrace. Now I feel like I missing out on something.